Sharks with Monocles

It is common knowledge that there is nothing scarier than a shark. Two-ton soulless death machines that prowl the oceans endlessly searching for things to devour, sharks are the worst nightmare of every thing that has a soul. Their eyes are empty, devoid of emotion, and their mouths are full, full of long sharp teeth. Could they possibly be any more terrifying?

"Now Mister Bond, you will be dropped into the tank...with me!"

 

The answer is yes. Photoshop a top hat and monocle onto a shark and it suddenly becomes ten times more terrifying than it was before, a sophisticated supervillain of the seas, cleverly plotting the demise of the human race while presumably drinking a cup of tea and playing a high stakes game of chess against Davy Jones.

What is the origin of this phenomenon? It all seems to have started back in 2001 with the formation of the Cleveland Barons AHL team. The Barons were named in honor of an earlier Barons team, who played from 1937 to 1973 before folding. When the new Barons were put together, they decided they needed a new mascot of their own. They traded in the old one, a man wearing a top hat and monocle, for something new and far better; a shark wearing a top hat and monocle.

He was christened Slapshark. Yes, Slapshark. For five years the Monocled Menace terrorized opposing teams and crushed other mascots in the Mascot Power Rankings until the second incarnation of the Barons relocated to Worcester. Sadly Slapshark was left behind and replaced by the much less impressive Finz.

We can only guess to Slapshark's whereabouts, but most likely he is in an undersea lair, biding his time until the moment is right. But until that time comes, we can only watch and wait as monocled shark's take over the internet and then the world.





Note: Image credits go to Cracked, Sports Logos, and DeviantArt